I have gained powerful insight...

I learned some interesting truths over the last 2 days in the serene surrounds of the forest. Let me share my new found wisdom with you….

1. Gorgeous Indian women are wildly attracted to slightly overweight, middle aged men with bouffant hair and 70s p0rn style moustaches….

2. Slightly overweight, middle aged Indian men with bouffant hair and 70s p0rn style moustaches love dancing in groups of 50 men, boy band style with lots of slightly offensive hip thrusting that is probably very alluring to gorgeous young Indian women….

3. Indian women have “happy periods” because their pads have wings and don’t leak….

4. It’s possible to understand a group of Indians having a conversation because it’s about 40% English…I honestly never knew they spoke so much English mixed in with their Hindi….it’s like my Thaiglish language that I speak at home! Completely fascinating…

5. Indian women’s bellies are hypnotic…

I know these are profound truths and you’re probably thinking I must have had some pretty intense meditations at that waterfall to realize such things….but no, I must admit, it came to me via satellite TV in our bush bungalow. Indian and Bangladeshi TV are the bomb! I would pay to just have those 2 channels available and I would probably never see the light of day again…I laughed so hard I had bladder control issues…I couldn’t tear myself away from looking (it was the bellies I tell you...spellbinding!). Every music clip is like a mini Bollywood movie…50 women on one side having a dance-off with 50 men on the other side…every single woman a gorgeous goddess with huge cupie-doll eyes, flowing hair and bare bellies faced with…you guessed it, slightly overweight, middle aged men with bouffant hair and 70s p0rn style moustaches! WHYohWHYohWHY??? I wouldn’t have minded a few buffed Indian hotties to cast my gaze upon…but not a ONE in sight…the only variation of the p0rn moustache was a 7 day beard growth that the goddesses seemed to get off on running their hands through…pass thank you..

Warning - p0rn pictures below, avert your eyes if you can't handle the heat!!!

Don't think that I just pulled these sexy photos from just anywhere...no siree, they are all famous bollywood actors or singers and have been voted in the top 100 sexiest men in India. Mr Vijay here in the white was voted No. 2....excuse me, I need some time alone now....