I have gained powerful insight...

I learned some interesting truths over the last 2 days in the serene surrounds of the forest. Let me share my new found wisdom with you….

1. Gorgeous Indian women are wildly attracted to slightly overweight, middle aged men with bouffant hair and 70s p0rn style moustaches….

2. Slightly overweight, middle aged Indian men with bouffant hair and 70s p0rn style moustaches love dancing in groups of 50 men, boy band style with lots of slightly offensive hip thrusting that is probably very alluring to gorgeous young Indian women….

3. Indian women have “happy periods” because their pads have wings and don’t leak….

4. It’s possible to understand a group of Indians having a conversation because it’s about 40% English…I honestly never knew they spoke so much English mixed in with their Hindi….it’s like my Thaiglish language that I speak at home! Completely fascinating…

5. Indian women’s bellies are hypnotic…

I know these are profound truths and you’re probably thinking I must have had some pretty intense meditations at that waterfall to realize such things….but no, I must admit, it came to me via satellite TV in our bush bungalow. Indian and Bangladeshi TV are the bomb! I would pay to just have those 2 channels available and I would probably never see the light of day again…I laughed so hard I had bladder control issues…I couldn’t tear myself away from looking (it was the bellies I tell you...spellbinding!). Every music clip is like a mini Bollywood movie…50 women on one side having a dance-off with 50 men on the other side…every single woman a gorgeous goddess with huge cupie-doll eyes, flowing hair and bare bellies faced with…you guessed it, slightly overweight, middle aged men with bouffant hair and 70s p0rn style moustaches! WHYohWHYohWHY??? I wouldn’t have minded a few buffed Indian hotties to cast my gaze upon…but not a ONE in sight…the only variation of the p0rn moustache was a 7 day beard growth that the goddesses seemed to get off on running their hands through…pass thank you..

Warning - p0rn pictures below, avert your eyes if you can't handle the heat!!!

Don't think that I just pulled these sexy photos from just anywhere...no siree, they are all famous bollywood actors or singers and have been voted in the top 100 sexiest men in India. Mr Vijay here in the white was voted No. 2....excuse me, I need some time alone now....

Paradise found in Southern Thailand...

I’ve discovered that heaven has been hiding out in Hat Yai…of course!! Why I didn’t think of it before….subtle, very subtle….masterful planning.

I’m not sure if it was the whole turning 30 thing, but I had a religious experience on Friday. Sitting on a high plateau of this gargantuan waterfall with a shear drop of more than 100 metres or so beneath me, looking out at this expansive, pristine forest with rain pouring down, the only sounds rushing water, birds rejoicing and rain pattering. Laying on an enormously flat sun warmed rock looking upside down at the masses of water rushing toward us, I felt like I could so easily just release the bonds that bind my molecules together and just be absorbed into the atmosphere. Intense? Maybe just a little…

It’s pretty magical that my unsurpassed favourite thing in the world…more so than coffee, chocolate and hot showers…is sitting in a waterfall in the rain…sigh, nothing can touch on the bliss of that…and the world provided! It was made all the more incredible by the fact that we were the only 2 people in the world for a couple of hours! I’m grateful that people are afraid of getting wet in the rain at a waterfall!

There are 7 levels to Ton Nga Chang Waterfall but we only made it to the 4th because it's pretty much straight up and the first day was raining and slippery and the second day was hot and lazy! There are waterholes on every level, some bigger than others, but all of them stunning. My crudarola camera obviously doesn't do justice to the gorgeousity of it all.

The bungalows in the national park are nice but basic, fan, cold shower, tv, fridge, ants by the million....it was bloody awesome to sleep in (gooseless morning!) and so lovely to hear or the sounds of the forest.

Check out what my lovely husband surprised me with! Perhaps after 2 years of marriage he's finally getting romantic! How cute is this, seriously! Flowers and chocolate cake!! (if you look really closely at the tv you can get a glimpse of a sexy mofo Indian singer from the previous post!)

I really have to declare to the world that I love living in Thailand…there’s no fancy way of putting it…I just absolutely love my life…I must have done good last life, no doubt about it….it seriously sucks butt that I don’t have any friends here but really apart from that, I’m delirious!

Food glorious food....

I'm doing a separate post solely related to my birthday food! It was just sooooo darn tasty that it deserves its own space...

This was my pre-b'day dinner of whole chilli fish, mixed seafood salad, pla dook (catfish) curry, spicy chilli dip, vege that you can't see, 3 plates of rice and 2 cokes......how much I know you're asking....120 baht...that's AU$4.50...loveit loveit!

Also to give a free plug to this fabulous resort we found in Hat Yai "Pang Mai Resort" (if you live in the area, I highly recommend). The bungalows are super cute (we didn't stay there but will next time), all natural wood, really clean, aircon, pay tv, hot shower, refrigerator and super tastefully decorated..heaps of trees around too. There's also a few man made water falls and fish ponds and an excellent restaurant with really decent prices..Tom Yum Goong was only 60 baht!


















Getting back to my birthday lunch...this is Tom Yum Goong (spicy, sour prawn soup), Larb Gai (chopped chicken salad??), Yum Pla Dook Fu (crispy catfish and mango salad...divinity expressed in fish), fresh basil, beans and cucumber on ice and 4 drinks...this came to a hefty fee of 300 baht ($11.50) but hey it was my birthday so thought we could splash out!!

Definitely want to come back here as the bungalows are only 590 baht ($21) per night and I do love a bargain!

Ghosts resurrected...

This is incredible...the bizarre scarecrow phenomenon in my village has spread to other provinces! It even made the news yesterday! When we were in Songkla Province over the weekend we saw heaps of houses with ghost busters out the front and on the news yesterday it told of how this dude had had a dream about people born on Wednesday (click link above for more) and word spread so that now our whole province and neighbouring ones are taking precautions and putting up the freakorama stickmen outside their houses!

I feel like singing Bob Marley...

Hurrah hurrah!! Guess who's escaping the parents for 2 whole days??!!! Not that I'm remotely excited or anything. Going away to this gorgeous waterfall, going bush walking, going swimming, going to breathe glorious mossy, misty filled air particles, going to sleep in without the sound of geese honking at 5:30 in the morning......going to return a middle aged woman!! Well only 15 years off it, but you know, it's a rapid approach..

I love getting mail....

I'm feeling all overcome with love for my fellow man at the moment...I have received mail for the last 3 days straight!! Aside from obviously being very popular (ok so it's my birthday this week) it really gives me a buzz to know I have such great people in my life. First I got a huge letter from my good friend in Ireland who I hadn't heard from for ages, then yesterday I got a book (a bestseller at that!) from another friend and today I got CHOCOLATES stuffed inside an original Greek painting from my sister's recent travels abroad (yes, she is truly my soul-sister!). The paint still smells fresh...it had a strange teleportation effect on me sending me catamaraning around the Greek Isles. (You rock V...loveit, loveit!)

How people know me so well...chocolates and books, it's all a gal really needs in life, isn't it?

God I miss good quality chocolate...I've got to say that it beats missing hot showers...so much for my cleanse today, I just inhaled those choccies!

Monk days...

Subtitled - How many times can one say squishy in a monk related post?

Every month on the full moon is considered a holy day, "Wan Pra" in Thai (literally Monk Day). On this day heaps of people go to the temple to donate food and chant and pray for their families...you know the deal...think Sunday mass in Jesus terms. Monk days also fall on many other days in the month that I'm not privy to but somehow all the old folks know when they are and dress up in their best gear, grab their food towers and head on down to the Wat (temple) in droves.

Next month's full moon is a biggun...it marks the end of Buddhist Lent where all the monks in Southern Thailand go into retreat for 3 months for the rainy season. This was the moon at my place (and I'm sure at yours too) last night...

As it's going to be gigantuan, a sign of things to come is how this month everyone's going crazy making all these Thai sweets (canom) of several varieties....we have Canom Beh Sum...pretty much just squishy donuts, dripping in oil...can't say they're my favourite, but they're edible.

Then we have Canom Tien which J's mother is making here...more squishiness which I believe is rice powder, sugar, egg with a mixture of mashed up sweet potato and beans (the hard, non-squish variety boiled until...um, squishy), then it's all wrapped up in banana leaves and steamed until, what's the word...it's super squisharama globules of goodness.

I'm a bit of a squishy bean fan myself but reached maximum limit of hurlaciousness last night, so on a cleanse today....no coffee even! Going into convulsions of caffeine deficiency as we speak....

Hot showers...

Just had a fascinating conversation over dinner...solar powered hot water was on the news and J mentioned to his folks that most houses in Australia have hot water. Although I can't be 100% sure that 100% of houses in oz have hot water, I'm gonna assume that it's so...anyhoo, his parents were amazed! Like really fascinated that every house has hot water showers. Then it occurred to me that they have NEVER had a hot shower...in 65 years of existence, they've never experienced the divineness of a really hot shower on a chilly morning! (ignoring the fact that chilly mornings are a rarity here). I kinda felt sorry for them that they haven't experienced such a great invention...but then I just ended up feeling sorry for myself that I haven't had a hot shower in 6 months (when I was in oz)... and that I'm not likely to have another hot shower until the next time I go to oz, or the next time I go to Bangkok (hotels!)...both of which are more than 6 months away....sigh....woe is me in my showerless world.

To elaborate, J's parents "shower" in our back yard at the well. Actually day time showers are at the well, night time showers are in the bathroom. They draw water by throwing a bucket on a rope down the well and scooping it out 5 or 6 or however many times and pour it over themselves. This water is good enough to drink..it's just the publicness of it all (yes I'm evidently a prude!). You could see them from the main road if you were looking in the right direction. People can come visiting and just walk up to you showering! They do keep their sarongs on though, so it's not indecent exposure.

Here's a photo (from thaiworldview.com) of a typical Thai bathroom...I can't bring myself to photograph our bathroom because I have unresolved issues about it, but that's a whole hours therapy so let's not go there....but it's basically the same set up...big tub like thing filled with water that you scoop out and pour on yourself to bathe. 90% of the time this arrangement is fine with me because most of the time it's over 30 degrees by 8 am in the morning. It does however bother me for about 2 months of the year when it does start to get a bit chilly in the evenings and mornings! I have been known to boil a huge pot of water and surreptitiously sneak it into the bathroom...works bloody marvelously and the pure joy I get from it has me smiling like a loon as I shower!

This is what a hot water heater looks like in Thailand...an electric box mounted on the shower wall...that's water + electricity...Thailand electricity...which is usually not grounded! I'm happy sticking to my non-zap cold tip showers for now...I will be fantasising about hot water for an indefinite amount of time however!

Something's up my bum...

I seem to have a music bug up my butt at the mo...it'll pass (only to return!), but in the meantime I'll flog more of my fav Aussie music!

Introducing Pete Murray...

Enhance your bits...

This is from a "family" mag titled "Good Couple" that J picked up yesterday. You too can look like an S & M robot with a broken neck for surprisingly little money...come to Thailand for enhancement surgery!

Hip & Breast enlargement by fat insertion 30 000
Non-surgical breast enlargement
30 000
Non-surgical hip enlargement
30 000 (they want them bigger..sigh, I'll give you some of mine)
Eyelid lift 7 000
Eyelid fold (create 2 folds in the eyelid) 7 000
Stretch crows feet 8 000
Remove eye bags 7 000
Nose lift (ala Michael Jackson style) 8 000
Nostril shaping 7 000
Dimples 5 000
Chin enlargement (lots of Thai actors get this one) 10 000
Cheek implants 5 000
Breast Implants 48 000
Lip thinning (they want smaller lips?!) 8 000
Stomach flattening 48 000
Nipple colouring 10 000
Botox 3 000
Jaw reduction 8 000 (also popular with actors)
Calf reduction (legs) 20 000
Make sweet smelling sweat (I kid you not!!) 20 000
These are over the page...
Cream for Lip pinkening 790
Cream for husband love 2 200 (gotta get me some of this one)
Vagina tightening 890 (you know you can afford it)
Cream for nipple colouring 790 (is this the new "in" thing to be doing? I'm so behind)
Penis hardening 2 200 (doesn't specify surgical or cream!)
Penis lengthening 1 800 (that seems ridiculously cheap to me...perhaps the surgeons have sympathy?)

All this with a satisfaction, money back guarantee!! All in Thai Baht too...that means I can get my lips tightened for $32!!....perhaps I'll just go for the dimples for $185..how do they fix the prices on these, seriously!

Introducing some Aussie music...

and the father of my unborn children.....John Butler Trio... I used to go and see these guys live every time they were in town (every few months or so) in oz...one of the down sides of living here, can't just go and see a band anymore....cue violins please...

Doing a Beatles cover...


Doing their own thang...



He makes my liver quiver....

Thailand's ghosts...

On Wednesday about 20 scarecrows appeared on our street, just stuck on the side of the road in front of people's houses. Some were wearing signs hung around their necks, some stuck out at odd angles, some pretty fancy, others just sticks with clothes on! This one's head is a pomello!

Turns out some old dude in the village had a dream on Tuesday night that a ghost was going to come and kill everyone who was born on a Wednesday. Most Thais know what day of the week they are born on as it's a life long significant day for them (we got married on a Monday because my husband was born on Monday...that sort of thing...). So, to ward off the killer spirits, people hastily erected these voodoo doll hoosarmewhatsits to declare that no one in that house was born on a Wednesday. It brings to mind lamb's blood on the door in Egypt...silly Pharaoh!

Not sure how long they are going to stay around...perhaps a few more Wednesdays, just to be sure...some are a little creepy to look at.

It's really quite a phenomenon how superstitious Thais are. Another example I found quite amusing was on the news a few weeks ago. Bangkok has this famous giant teak swing built in the 1700s by King Rama to please the harvest gods. Well, it was looking a bit haggard after a couple of hundred years, so it got renovated (so that's where my mother-in-law went!)...and what do you know, if there aren't lottery numbers appearing in the paint!! Seriously, there were dozens of people crowded around the base with incense burning and praying to Buddha to see the numbers clearly...then conveniently enough, they turn around and buy lottery tickets from the seller standing behind them! News like this is almost a daily occurrence in Thailand....a land of believers! I'm surprised Jesus hasn't made such a big impression here...he likes to appear on toast...too bad there's no numbers next to his head! Oh wait, I see a seven...and I swear that's Casper on the left...

Need your home renovated?

because I'm hiring out my mother-in-law...This is her latest foray into home renovation. She didn't want to pay $30 to pay a professional to tile the floor....a structure that lasts 40 or more years. She didn't want to spend 800 baht to actually look like a normal floor. Her solution? Hmm, I think I'll do it myself, even though I've never done tiling before, it can't be too difficult, right?...oh.so.wrong. Even my father-in-law who is usually the most easy going person in the world, refused to help her! He was laughing and calling her the special maintenance crew. She literally did it on her own, including concreting! I'm not sure how much you can make out in these pics but there's one tile that 's a good cm higher then the rest, the border tiles are all different colours cos she was using whatever small tiles we had lying around the house (no tile cutter!) and it kind of goes in a wave...that's not lens distortion you're looking at!

She's a freak, that's all there is to it..


Let me know if your house needs doing!

I'm a tick tick tickin...

Oh dear...my rapid approach to 30 is nearly upon me and something terrifying is happening..no it's not crow's feet, grey hair, saggy bits or loss of vision (the latter is a direct result of internet addiction NOT aging...I'll have you know) it's the fact that my body has become a bomb....a ticking, pulsating, whacking me in the face, feeling like puking when I see a baby kind of bomb. The biological clock, what a strange phenomenon huh? Lucky it's only when a baby is within a few feet of me, it fades according to distance...it's just that when they get near me I feel all cutesy wootsie and I wanna pinch their lil fat cheeks and snuggle wuggle....um, hmm...you can see the situation is becoming dire..

Tell me this baby isn't just a bit cute! She is the culprit making me go all googly woogly